Writing Exercise – “Eddie’s Hell”

Written By: Jess - Apr• 28•14

This scene came about from the WonHundred Words Wednesday bloggings. I had the idea to combine three of my characters from the prompts and put them together. This was delightful to write. I hope you have as much fun reading it as I had writing it.

You might want to read the two flash fictions that the characters come from, here: “The Devil’s Name was Fred” & “Would You Like Fries With That?


“Eddie’s Hell”

The door opened and then slammed shut as Fred hustled in a young man wearing a fast food chain uniform peppered with bullet holes.

“My administrative assistant said you were being difficult,” Fred said, dumping a load of paperwork that had large red x’s next to where his signature needed to be.  He ignored the pile and peered over his glasses at the scowling face. “Why, Edward?”

Eddie went to open his mouth but Fred cut him off.  “Let me guess. Hmm? You don’t think you belong in hell. There’s been a mistake. A mix-up perhaps?” Fred chuckled.

The young man snorted and propped his feet up on Fred’s desk. Slack jawed and wide-eyed, Fred shoved them off and pulled out a handkerchief to buff the polished wood.

“It’s Eddie, not Edward. And no. I definitely belong in hell.” Eddie said. “I just want to know if I have to see –”

“This is, like, so wrong!” A voice wailed.

Both Eddie and Fred cringed in unison.

Fred’s intercom buzzed and he pressed the button to receive the call. “Yes, Mr. Wormwood?”

“A friend of Eddie’s is here. She’d like to speak with you as well,” the disembodied voice said, sounding uncomfortable.

Eddie waved his hands back and forth, fervently mouthing ‘no’ over and over again.

There was the sound of clanging and Wormwood whimpering before a high pitched voice grated their ears.

“I said I’M, LIKE, NOT SUPPOSED TO BE HERE. I should be an angel! People like me don’t go to hell!” The distraught woman yelled into the confiscated intercom. There was sniffing. “I’m too pretty.”

Fred took off his glasses, rubbed the bridge of his nose, straightened and smiled at the device. He looked brave to Eddie, except for his shaking finger as he leaned in close and pressed the button to talk.

“Trust me dear, there are plenty of pretty people here in hell. Why don’t you come back here and I’ll explain it all to you and your dear friend Mr. Edward.”

“That psycho is not my friend,” Eddie said. He glared at the door as he reached for Fred’s letter opener on the desk.

Fred smacked Eddie’s hand away and shook a finger at him. “None of that or I’ll stick you on Hell’s Janitorial Crew.”

“She shot me!” Eddie said. “At least let me poke her with it.”

With a crinkled nose and scrunched up mouth, Fred shook his head and said, “Absolutely not.  If you want to act like a savage I can arrange for you to keep them company. Better yet, I can arrange for you to clean up after them.” Fred’s voice took on a sterner tone. It reminded Eddie of a principal from an 80’s movie.  “Trust me young man. You don’t want that.”

Eddie was about to quip back when the door burst inward and a blonde woman teetered into the room. Her massacre was smudged, lipstick smeared across her upper lip, and her hair looked like a rats nest. Or like someone had pulled it. She also had bullet holes in her torso, although considerably more than Eddie.

“Well if it isn’t Calorie Counting Barbie,” Eddie drawled as he leaned back in his chair.

“You!” the blonde screamed and lunged for Eddie, but Fred caught her around the waist and pulled her backward. She clawed at the fast food employee, her chipped nails aiming for his face. Eddie toppled out of his chair and backed up against the wall.

“See! Told you. A complete psycho,” Eddie panted. He eyed the letter opener again.

“This is how you ended up dead,” Fred said to Eddie. He turned his attention back to the struggling woman in his arms. “Miss. Miss, please take a seat. Eddie will behave himself.”

Eddie snorted.

Fred again looked over the rim of his glasses at Eddie, making the young man squirm. The blonde stopped struggling and took a few deep breaths. Fred waited a few more moments before releasing his captive.

“State your name,” Fred said as he stepped around her and stood between Hell’s two latest additions.

“Penny,” the woman said, sniffing as she smoothed her skirt.

“He didn’t ask you about your total earnings of being able to form a single coherent thought,” Eddie said with a false smile. “He asked for your name.”

Penny’s eyes blazed and she hurtled forward again.

Fred pushed her back. “Edward!” he said, his voice hard. “I warned you.”

Eddie shrugged.

Fred wondered if there was something worse than the Janitorial Crew.

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Photo Credit: By artur84

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One Comment

  1. Alison says:

    Love it! Apparently the food ordering escalated rather quickly. Funny 🙂

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